If you've ever flicked through Sky's endless list of TV channels to find something that's not "Gok's Fashion Fix" you've probably laid eyes on these corporate grease-monsters. I could fill the giant hole in any given Big Brother contestant's head - the part where a normal human being would keep his brain - with the sludge spewed out by our TV sets, but I've narrowed it down to five for convenience.

I'm not quite sure I get this one. There's a slew of send-off-your-mobile-phone/unwanted-gold-for-cash ads on TV of recent [a not-so-subtle nod towards the problem of British unemployment, perhaps?] but this one ranks itself lower than the rest of the bottom-feeders. It appears to be aimed at youths - using urban street smarts and trendy catchphrases to give the impression that their company can relate to youngsters, not realising that nobody had heard the word "WONGA!" before that advert clumsily graced our screens. Isn't it just a little presumptuous, don't you think, for this company to assume that all young people use words like "cool", and don't understand the English language unless it's colloquialised and laced with "in-words"? Hell, it even plays the "diversity" card - featuring people of different sizes, ethnicities, stereotypes and genders. Don't send your old mobile computer to these guys, just eat it instead.

As far as dishwasher tablet ads go, this sucks ass. Essentially, the story is about a little boy who throws a strop because his scooter is covered in dirt, while the brat next door has a shiny sparkly one. In contrast, his mother is beaming - evidently overjoyed at her sparkling clean dishes, all thanks to Fairy's new dishwasher tablets. The boy, noticing how Fairy dishwasher tablets are excellent at removing tough grime, stupidly tries to ram his scooter into the dishwasher, triggering a stupid jingle about how Fairy leaves dishes "sparkling clean" - whilst also pointing out the fact that unfortunately, you can't fit your scooter in. Cheers for that, you morons. My brain can't grasp concepts such as shape and size, or even conclude that a scooter cannot fit into my dishwasher. My intelligence insulted, it caused me great pain to think that if the kid had looked after his scooter in the first place, this advert might never have happened.

This is annoying purely because of it's stupid repetitive "jingle". It makes my ears vomit, and also makes me not want to sell my car to them for £50 or whatever stupid price they'd offer me for it. The tune sounds like it's being sung by some kind of wannbe rapper, or such, who probably lives on a council estate with 3 illegitimate kids. Visually it's a snore-fest too, not daring to tarnish its maggot-infested bill of health by presenting us with something even mildly interesting to look at. Well done to the creators of this annoyance, but I'm afraid the Crazy Frog pipped you at the post. 2/10 for effort, anyway...

This advert has earned itself a worthy second place with the aid of the Ghostbusters theme tune - with 118's own relevant lyrics laid over the top, of course. Car manufacturer Citroen have also made inventive use of the classic 80s theme to advertise their latest space-age eyesore, and it's just not clever - I'm sorry. I'm convinced that watching this short disaster story could cause visiual impairment, much like glancing at Citroen's cars; seeing the Chuckle Brothers running through the streets clad in tiny orange shorts is quite disturbing. Who ya gonna call? Not these buffoons.

This advert has earned itself a worthy second place with the aid of the Ghostbusters theme tune - with 118's own relevant lyrics laid over the top, of course. Car manufacturer Citroen have also made inventive use of the classic 80s theme to advertise their latest space-age eyesore, and it's just not clever - I'm sorry. I'm convinced that watching this short disaster story could cause visiual impairment, much like glancing at Citroen's cars; seeing the Chuckle Brothers running through the streets clad in tiny orange shorts is quite disturbing. Who ya gonna call? Not these buffoons.